I just wanna say YES!

No, I cannot take your child.
No, I dont want a husband right now.
No, I dont have any children.
No, I cannot pay for your school.
No, I cannot take you to America.
No, you cannot have my bike.
No, I dont know what to do about that lump...
No, I am not a doctor.
No, I cannot buy you a car.
No, I am not religious.
No, I am not a preacher.
No, you cannot have my shoes.
No, you cannot have my sisters.
No, there is no cure for HIV in America.

No, No No...

I just wanna say YES!
I never liked saying no, I always like to help out, but I find myself saying no all the time.The problem is I think it bothers me more than it does the people I say no to. I realize I cannot say yes to everything, if I did I would be married to 150 Ugandans with like 25 kids on the way with no clothes, or a house, or time, or money... I realize all of this. Its just that its hard having so much expected of you and asked of you and for you not to be able to do enough.

Ill tell a short story that took place in a matter of 45 minutes max.

I left my house in search of some bananas at the market. Seems like a simple journey you may be thinking, so was I really. I was surprised.
As I left I met up with one of the employees in our school and she continued to tell me about some vaginal issues she was having...Im not a doctor yet, but clearly things were not good down there. I told her I couldnt help and that she needed to see a doctor. But I cannot say my conscious was at ease about that, or her, or my inability to help.

I think I should've perhaps seen that as a warning sign of things to come and forgone my banana mission. But I continued.

seconds later a woman tried to give me her baby. Thats right she tried to give me her baby out right, right there on the side of the road. I politely declined, but no less eased.

Just down the road I was approached by two women and their large protruding bellies. They asked me for money for the hospital and for their babies on the way. I said no, if I gave these women money I would have to give everyone money. Thats just not possible.

Just near the market a lady was lying down asleep it appeared. Her child of about 1 yr was climbing on her, but that didnt seem to rouse her in anyway. I noticed tear drops coming down her cheek, she was extremely emaciated. I tried to talk to her. No response. Another passerby stopped. No answer from him either. What was I to do? I didnt know, I still dont. Should I have tried to wake her, take her home, feed her? But she is one of millions like that. How can I save them all? I cannot. I say no, out of rationalization. No less eased.

I finally made it to the market, and to my great surprise there were bananas! A very exciting moment for me at the time. A small victory.

I bought my bananas and was convinced that things were on the up. Well never count those chickens until they hatch. No sooner had I thought that thought that a man comes running through the field shouting at me to stop. Its not like in a city where you can just ignore someone. It was pretty much just him and I on the road. I couldnt play the innocent card, 'sorry I didnt realize you were talking to me, there are so many other white people around here its easy to get confused'...no that certainly wasnt going to work.
He catches up to me. He is young, cant be more than 18, his hair is grown out a bit, he looks up at me and and greets me in probably one of the most creepy voices Ive ever heard. Like a voice trying to be sexy to a stranger creepy. Anyways, he asks my name and I try to inch away, fully realizing that social cues are not going to work in this particular case. He then proceeds to tell me that he loves me...I do my best not to laugh out loud and instead attempt to assess how to handle this. I tell him sorry but hes too young an he cant love me when he doesn't even know me. He continues to say in his creepy voice something about his heart changed when he saw me or something along those lines. I again try and use the previous reasons to thwart any advances, but realize their futility. I simply walk away. He left me with few other options. He says one last time that he loves me and wants my contact. I told him to be careful if he continues to act that way he will inevitably contract HIV...

I made it back to my house. Tired. Hot.Bananas in hand. It was at that point that I realized that no banana could possibly be worth that last trip...

This is why I have to say no...a lot.
But it isn't easy, it never is.